married but might be have feelings for another man.

[daniaram]

I am a current newlywed, as weve been married for only 6 months. Before meeting my husband I had a friend whom was basically my best friend and was always there for me. We began getting closer and both ended up liking each other, maybe even loving. He moved down to Mexico to play professional Soccer and we kept in touch. However before moving he only told me a week in advance before leaving, which threw me off completely. After he left about 5 months later I met my husband. We dated for a year and 6 months before getting married. My husband is the most amazing and sweetest guy, but recently ive thinking that I might not be in love with him but just love him.

About 4 months now I got in contact with my old friend whom had moved to Mexico, he is back in the states. Ive been talking to him secretly and have found that the connection and the feelings are all still there. Ive met with him in person several times now without my husband knowing. I am very confused at this moment on how to act upon the situation. I dont want to hurt my husband because he's such a sweet guy and honestly the perfect man, but he might not be perfect for me. I dont feel as attached to him now as I used too and some excitement has gone away.

I know that im recently married but im confused and scared to feel this way for the rest of my life for not taking action. What should I do? Do I continue to live without doing what my heart wants and be happy that I have a great husband? Or do I talk to my husband about a divorce?

[beckyy28]

Sorry but to me.. going behind your husband's back to talk and meet with another man is so deceitful. Sounds like you need to give your husband respect and either tell him or stop all contact with the other man completely. Curiosity killed the cat...

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with the replies you have gotten thus far.  I think you've romanticized this guy and it's nothing but a fantasy.  As far as your feelings for your husband, it's no surprise that you feel as though the magic may be fizzling out, not only because that's totally normal, but also because your attention and full effort isn't on your marriage and your husband.  You're distracted with grandiose ideas of a romance with this other guy, so of course your closeness with your husband would be affected.  You have a REAL romance with your husband, like SM said above, you've never even DATED this guy.  Hardly makes sense if you look at it rationally, does it?

To be honest, it's totally unacceptable that you would be talking to this guy and meeting him behind your husband's back.  You're only feeding your own confusion.

The way I see it, you have a few options...ONE, you totally cut all ties with this man and work on your marriage.  TWO, you leave your husband and take a chance on this guy whom you've never dated and is showing interest now that he's back in the states and you're married.  If you've been friends all this time and you both had feelings for each other, why didn't you explore that years ago?  THREE, your other option is to leave your husband, cease contact with the other guy and be alone to work on yourself.  If you choose option two, you have to keep in mind that your new guy was willing to break up and marriage and pursue someone who wasn't available.  That is something that very well may come back to bite you down the line in your own relationship with this man.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.  Just remember that tough decisions like this come with consequences.  There are others involved here besides you.  Sometimes you have to think with your HEAD and not just your HEART.  Good luck to you.

[Life360_Dave]

Also please clarify what you mean by "might not be in love with him but just love him".  Could you please explain the difference? If either way you love him then how could you take a year away from HIS precious life for your own purposes and then rip his heart out. Im completly lost with this post.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I agree with SpecialMom's advice to You
AND
I too think You have a fantasy in Your mind.

It's been 2 1/2 (TWO and A HALF!!) Y E A R S since Your "basically best friend" left for Mexico.  If what You and He had was "love" I don't think it would have allowed that initial 6 months apart and then a year and a half of dating Your Husband and then another 6 months of Marriage.

I question Your motives for getting back in touch and "secretly" meeting this "friend" in the first place.  Why did You do that??  Why is it a "secret".  Is it the 'excitement' You are looking or longing for??  The fantasy??  You need to search within YourSelf and understand why You are doing this.

You speak well of Your Husband - He's "amazing", He's "sweet", You "don't want to hurt Him", He's "the perfect Man".  

So the answer to Your question is YES - Yes, You should be happy that You have such a great Husband.  Focus on HIM.

I Too Wish You Good Luck

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, this is a question that only you can answer but what exactly do you mean when you say what your heart wants? Its like your taking about 2 different people!

[specialmom]

Hi there.  If you don't want to hurt your husband, then don't.  It really is that easy.

You aren't in love with this other man.  You've never even dated him.  You have a real relationship with your husband.  Long term relationships aren't all full of excitement and butterflies like new ones are.  You get to a place of being lovers, companions, friends.  Not every day is a picnic.  But that is life, isn't it?  Mutual respect and respect for yourself should keep you out of the arms of another man when in a marriage.  

I think you are playing around with a fantasy of this other guy.  

I would try to make your marriage work (by being more exciting to your husband?).  If after a while it doesn't, then go through the process of divorce without dating anyone.  After some time on your own, then you can consider dating again.  But that is long down the road.

good luck