I am wasting my youth and all the chances to get sexual experience

[Ant26yo]

Hello everyone!

I actually don’t know which is the right topic for my question since it embraces few fields: relationships, sexual health, mental health, depression. I apolgise in advance for my bad English but I preferred to write by using the international tongue hoping to obtain as many answers as possible. Until now I have always concealed my problem behind excuses, though I have ever been aware of this lack of mine. But now after I broke up with my girlfriend last Sept (she was my first “real” girlfriend with whom I had sex and the relationship lasted one year), I really feel the need to get some advice.

I am a 26yo guy and in my life I had a lot of opportunities to meet new girls (range of age up to 41yo) and to have occasional sex, but I have been always a foolish because I never seized all the moments that life gifted to me and very often I have been behaving very bad with them only to purpose to keep them away from me. Why? The reason is that I cannot sexually satisfy them.

Unfortunately I didn’t get a big “dowry” (12 cm erected) but that is not the matter. I cannot resist more than 1/2 minutes during the penetration. I went to a doctor at least for asking for some advice and he almost kidded me and everything that he told me was “I could give you medicines for your problem but you are young and it could not be a good solution. Don’t care about the problem and have fun!”. This made me feel really useless since in our sex-based society the virility is everything that is required from oneself and for I am not able to satisfy any girl I am growing up sentimentally close and apathetic/sociopathic. Besides, I think that I will never be able to have a family: what kind of girl will ever accept a man without a penis? None.

I want to have sex, I want to have fun and enjoy my youth and I wish to make them happy, but I don’t know how to face this problem. Every night since I was 18yo before going bed I use to muse about it and the days run forward while the thoughts nested inside me become bigger and eat bits of me.

[VICourageous]

I agree with specialmom, but want to add some more input here too. First, if you are only having sex once in while, like a one night stand or so fourth, then I think you might be getting to excitably. If you do find the right one, and start to have sex more often, I do believe that this pr-ejaculation will stop. I have known some men way, way in my past who did this, but after having sex on a regular basis stopped that. I also agree that it could be mental and thinking to much about it before hand could be a problem. I also believe that most women are looking for Mr Right for how he is inside and not so much about sex..However, sure there are Tons of sexual relationships with no communication. I have been married for a lil over 32yrs now, and if it came down to more sex & less friendship, then I would rather have my best friend. However, once again, could I have said that at 20..lol It takes years to build up such a tight relationship. It takes work!! I guess I am just trying to say, that if a women really loves you, the both of you could work this out. There are many ways to plz a women.
Take a couple who are strong Christians and will not have sex before marriage, do you think they would break up because of this sexual so called problem? I think they would seek help together or learn to live with it. You can still get a women pregnant.
I wish you all the best and we are here for you. You are talking to a couple of Ladies so far..lol
Vickie

[Ant26yo]

Thank you!! I hope that training much more can be useful. I know that it is above all a mental matter but it is very hard to keep my mind away from sex while I am having it. A doctor told me the same thing but my girlfriend and I didn’t see progress in me even if I was having steady sex with her. Too often I thought that we broke up also because of my “lack” under the sheets and this led me to lose a lot of consideration on myself abilities.

[specialmom]

Hi, welcome.  Well, you also avoided std's, unplanned pregnancy worries and heart ache by thinking unattached sex is easy emotionally.  :>)  There's pluses and minuses to everything.  

I wasn't sure what you were saying about the penis issue.  You are small or you ejaculate quickly?  If it is ejaculation quickly, this will not impede having children.  And that is mental often. You get overexcited.  Letting your mind drift to other things is supposed to help.  How's that for sexy? During sex you think about things like cleaning the sock drawer. But this trains you to hold out longer and longer.  But what are you talking about --  being accepted as a man without a penis?  You don't have a penis?  Trying to understand what you feel the problem is.

As to your youth, you are still  young.  26 is not exactly over the hill.  Casual sex is something people do but check out the std and hiv forum for all the anxiety that goes with it.  You may do well to have a meaningful relationship with a woman you love and who loves you.  Not sure.  But if you are a likeable person, you can have casual sex.  Women don't see your penis and then invite you for sex usually in the casual dating arena.  You get intimate for the first time, have sex and if it stinks, they don't take your call for next time but you don't care because you were in it for casual sex.  On to the next girl.  Sounds a bit empty to me but to each their own!  good luck

[Ant26yo]

Thanks a lot for your kind reply! It was drastic saying that I won’t be able to have a family, but it was to outline “ironically” that no girl will accept my problem. With my ex we used to have sex every night more or less over a period of 4 months. But I didn’t notice progress even if I tried to keep my mind away from the sex itself. I get overexcited but I don’t know how to manage it. Often I used the gel to play longer but it didn’t work. I feel insufficient

[specialmom]

I'm sorry your girlfriend broke up with you over this.  But maybe it is more than just the early ejaculation.  Maybe chemistry was off as a whole.  I am sure your confidence took a hit.  Try working on yourself, your career, your friendships, your hobbies, your exercise routine, etc.  This all helps build confidence.  The right woman will not make you feel inadequate but will help you through difficulty.  A condom cuts down on sensation as well so use those for now too to help make the time frame until ejaculation longer.  good luck