A Friend Needs Help

[NoRomancelnChina]

Gradually over this past month my ex-girlfriend, who is still my very close close friend, has been going through a big meltdown. At first she wanted to alienate herself from the world, all her friends, and family. She was talking about being a self learner, dropping out of college, and going to NYC to get internships in the financial district. As our school finals drew near, she started to worry about problems at home between her and her parents, and she started doubting that people cared about her or loved her. She's missed her finals, having gotten extensions from her therapist, so has two tests and two papers to make up. She told me she's been having thoughts of suicide, images of blood and gore, and images of people she knows with 'devil horns'. When I'm around her she usually cries or gets emotional. But now she is out of control, it seems. She has been calling me no less than 8 times a day, sometimes yelling at me, sometimes crying, sometimes appreciated thing I'm here with her. It doesn't seem like one problem that she talks about to me: she talks about the problems she has with her parents, feeling unloved and unworthy and ugly, and questioning the meaning of life itself. I find it hard to talk to her without her blowing up in my face, or she frequently hangs up on me if I say something that even has a trace of discomfort. She has started to get mad at her friends, it seems too. Just tonight, for the sake of an example, she was mad at me because I've been doing so well in school while she has been suffering this condition or depression. She feels like I should have compromised more, and feels cheated almost because I did well.

But also, which is very important, about a month ago we had an accident during sex where our contraceptive (condom) failed. Immediately we rushed to the pharmacy and she took the Plan B pill no more than 2 hours after the accident, and she took the second pill at the right time. She started to have the side effects we expected. About 6-8 days after the accident, she took a pregnancy test which came back negative, to our great relief. However her symptoms are making me believe that the pill might have failed: she's extremely moody and miserable, she's usually tired, and has been a bit nauseas. She's supposed to take another pregnancy test tomorrow, and needless to say, we are both very anxious.

I'm wondering what your thoughts are; whether a week was too early for a pregnancy test; whether Plan B can cause prolonged hormonal imbalances; if this might be a case of hormone imbalance not related to anything about pregnancy; what I should do when I get those 8 calls per day.

She has been seeing a therapist at the university center for about 3 weeks, but only a few times. The rest of the week she uses me as a punching bag for her anger. I'm doing my best to comfort her and give her love. Though we're no longer a couple, there is no bad blood between us or anything, and I think the anger she expresses to me these days is probably a result of her mental health. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[NoRomancelnChina]

Do any of you think it was a rash judgement that pregnancy could have triggered SUCH a manic state of depression?

[hope_for_more]

I'm sorry I don't know anything specific about Plan B though I found someone on the net that says it messes with your hormones (not a surprise because of what it is).

This is my read on it, not at all professional but if the changes have occurred in the last month and during that time......she has had the worry of a possible pregnancy, has gone through a break-up, has had the pressure from exams and has been given a whopping dose of hormones.....yoiks that's alot.  I'm not saying that it isn't real depression, she should certainly talk to a doctor and especially mention the Plan B.  I'm just wondering if she will feel better once her hormones settle down (assuming there is no pregnancy).  

The other thing that occurs to me, often in a break-up I think one thinks things are fine but the other is not really fine with the situation.  The constant calling makes me wonder if that might be the case.  

Not a professional opinion, just observations. Good luck to you both.

[Hensley258]

Man, that really is a tough situation. Look, my guess is that there is about a 95% chance that she is NOT pregnant.

As for her irratic mood swings... yea, she may very well be suffering a serious mental illness that has yet to be properly treated.

Seeing a consoler a couple times a month is not going to be enough. First she must admit and understand that she may be suffering a mental illness. (I won't speculate exactly what kind of mental illness) simply because only a mental health doctor can do that. Not to mention that the problem may be more than just depression. She could be suffering Bi-polar dissorder or any number of serious conditions.

It's good you are still friends and it's obvious you still have a place in your heart for her.
Try to get her help if you can, just keep in mind that the ill person MUST accept and want help before any progress can be made. Further more they must accept the fact that they may have a serious mental illness.

You know the old saying? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
More true words have never been spoken when it comes to mental illness.

You try to lead her to help, but don't allow it to bring you down too.

[NoRomancelnChina]

And also, which I think might be important information: she had intense menstrual bleeding after taking the pill during the following week. She hasn't had her period since. She normally gets her period around the 15th of the month. Again thanks.