Hi all... my mom was diagnosed the Thanksgiving before last with colon cancer that had spread to her liver. They gave her 6 - 12 months to live. We were devastated. She had already battled breast cancer twice. Needless to say, the cancer spread to her bones. Around the beginning of this past November, the doctors told her they were discontinuing treatment because it was no longer doing anything for her. The beginning of December, the doctors told her to not worry about coming in for doctors appointments anymore and they placed her on hospice. We had a nice Christmas. She was as feisty and quirky as usual. Full of spunk and all those strangely awkward things that she would say as she's prone to crude humor. Apparently, the day after Christmas she had fallen and her husband had called hospice to come help. She went into the back room in the morning and about an hour later her husband went to check on her and she was collapsed on the floor. She must have went down hard as she had a huge dark purple bruise on the back of her hand maybe 2" across. I only found out as someone had posted on mom's husband's wall on the 2nd that she was sorry to hear of (my mom's) demise. I was freaked out, and I tried to contact my sister as she was vacationing out of the country with her family. I emailed her through Facebook, her extended family on her husbands side and also through regular email. I got a hold of my brother, and he knew since the previous Friday. Then I came to know that she had already known since Wednesday right after it happened. I was distraught. Anyway, since I found out I've been going every day to be with her. Before Thanksgiving she had sat me down to tell me of a scare she had. That she had fainted/fell. and she went to the hospital and it was discovered that she was very dehydrated. She drinks only coffee. hardly any water except to take her pills. She had a full hip replacement surgery a couple of months earlier too, as she got out of bed and fell hard. When the hospice worker came out for my mom's husband, they took her off all meds and she was only getting morphine and drops for her watery eyes under her tongue. The morphine was not for pain. My mother smoked since she was 9 years old she claimed. Even the last time she was able to talk, she had to have a cigarette. Anyway, the morphine was to help her relax as she had so much phlegm in her lungs and always coughed a lot. At one point the other day, it seemed she could drown in all those fluids. Her husband tried feeding her and she was able to eat a little a few days ago. She was drinking her coffee, and insisted on holding the cup herself, I gave her a donut and she picked it up here and there and she wanted a chocolate chip cookie. her husband made her some cream of wheat and she took a few bites. I felt she could have taken lots more, but her husband was thinking she was not interested. Driving home i was upset. I think she could have been feed and would have taken food. She needs nutrients and water to recover. so i thought of smashing vitamins and putting them in her cream of wheat, then i thought of baby food, she can have different flavors, and i got her baby milkshakes with nutrients since she hates the thought of having ensure and some pedialyte. I was scolded. basically i was a bad guy for wanting to extend her suffering. I didn't believe she was dying of cancer at this time. that she is dehydrated and malnourished and getting worse because the morphine is keeping her sedated and between the weakness from no food/water and morphine, she is being coaxed to death prematurely and unnecessarily. Her legs are tiny, but she never went for walks or exercised and rarely had reason to go out as she didn't have a social life of much, her life revolved around her husband. Every day I came back and she was induced further into slumber. And I was shocked. I didn't think the previous day's condition warranted deeper sedation, but the hospice worker was ordering it. I held her hands yesterday. and sat with her. and rubbed her legs. Her hands are still "plumpy" even though she is obviously not overweight. they are very warm and has good circulation. I watched her sleep. and she seems to be having REM sleep. sometimes her mouth turns as if she is actually living in her dreams. And none of the expressions are happy. all some painful, or disturbed. Like her memories are only bad things. She cannot respond anymore. She is on full sedation and she hasn't eaten or taken water for several days. She can't last much longer than this. How did she go from a feisty cursing mom on Christmas to this sleeping baby so fast? She is not gaunt or skeletal either as I would imagine a person suffering from full blown stage IV cancer would be... Can you help me let this go and get a grip? I am seriously in denial and anger..