Oh friend. Oh boy, gotta give it to ya straight: you wrote "I wanna do it by myself one more time." THAT is addict thinking all the way. You've been doing it by yourself for 10 years and look where you are. That is the case w/ all of us. We cannot do it alone. We cannot. I urge you to go to a meeting. People are always afraid of loved ones reaction. But, by you being clean and working on a solution, that's nothing to be ashamed of!! The secrets keep us sick. Also, you sound like I used to with not having "awful consequence" and thinking that doesn't make you a typical addict. No such thing, my friend. We've all had different experiences but we all have one thing in common: we cannot stop taking whatever substance even though me INTEND to. Don't worry, worse consequences are coming if you continue the way you've been going.
PLEASE listen to what the folks in recovery are telling you. Go to a meeting!!
Good luck:)
I was sort of kidding with the my friend...Lots of other sites do the "SWIM" thing because of self incrimination.
Anyways, I lived without adderall for years and yes, I had ADHD symptoms, but I think it triggers my addiction too much. But it's so easy for me to get and makes work go by so much faster, easier etc.
As far as getting help and going to 12 step etc. I think I would get alot out of it. I'm not such a typical addict in that I have very few "consequences" meaning I am really functional and hide it really really well. My wife knows about the sub (and previously the methadone) but not the Amphetamines (not even the Adderall) it would absolutely hurt our marriage and my relationship with my wife to say I need 12 step or therapy. I know that sounds like she is horrible or it can't be true, but it is. She is so far away from the drug world and after all these years of sub and methadone (she met me when I was just starting methadone) it would be like starting over to her.
I know all that is not a good reason to not get help. And I think she would ultimately understand... sort of, but I really want to give it this one shot to do it myself. I asked my sub Dr. If she would give me a few Clonidine pills to help with WD. I'll see tomorrow what she says. I dropped from .5mg to around .25 mg. Over the last 2 days. That was the 1st time in my taper that I felt sh*tty...not too bad, but noticable. Basically I take the speed in the AM, and that afternoon when I come down I take the sub. It was a great combination until I dropped my dose so low lol.
I don't think I'm as scared of the immediate WD as I am PAWS and having no energy for months after. It's also just scary because I've been in some kind of opioid maintenance since I was 19, and I'm 29. Ugh that frustrates me to think about.
61chevy- how did the 1st week feel off of sub? What about the following week? Did you have any meds to help you through?
Thanks for the input everyone anything else is appreciated too :)
First, welcome back~
Is there some reason you found it "ok" to post "as yourself" back in 2011 and 2012 but now think you need some kind of "cover"? ALL of us are addicts here...we will NOT judge you, ok? Honesty HAS to come FIRST.
You've been on the addiction merry-go-round for years....alcohol, pills, methadone, suboxone, now amphetamines. Isn't it time to get to the ROOT of why you are so afraid to live this life without a substance? Get a recovery/aftercare program of some kind in place?
I totally "get" being scared of WD's.....we ALL are/were scared. At some point though, this cycle is exhausting and negatively affects every aspect of our lives. Because it's a progress disease.....it only gets worse; never better.
Sounds like you've done really well with your sub taper....and you also have a date set to jump and take some time off work. That's progress, eh? As far as your "timing" question about the Adderall AND the sub jump....since you have abused the Adderall....how bout getting the dr that prescribes your Adderall to switch you to another med for your ADHD like Vyvanse as you mentioned in another post? That way your ADHD would be addressed, but your history and the trigger of abusing the Adderall won't be going off in your head? What do you think?
It's time to stop chasing the dragon....you CAN DO THIS......but we have to not only cut our sources and talk openly with someone about our addiction...we have to add SOME form of recovery to get to the root of those emotions we have been masking with a chemical for so long.
Please keep posting.....let us know how you are doing....and may you find the courage to surrender and the determination to set yourself FREE~
Hi....
I was on sub for 2.5 to 3 years. I wanted off the sub immensely but like any addiction, it was very challenging. Friend of mine had fentermine. (Spelling?). The fentermine was like speed to me. Couple of those tablets n I was bouncing off walls. While I was on the fentermine, it was much easier to lower my sub dosage. But.....for me... As soon as I was out of fent, I would increase my sub dosage to an even higher level. Vicious cycle for me. I would take "speed" to lower my sub dose, then increase my sub dose when coming off speed. Just never worked.
Everyone is very different. Sounds like the Dr is prescribing the amphetamine so not sure what advice I could offer other than to say get suggestions from the Dr. I did finally taper my sub dose, without other medication, to .30 per day. Jumped n today is day 44 from last sub dose. It can b done. Hoping for the best for ur friend.
Your friend's story sounds amazingly like your own...
Your post is a little confusing. You want to taper off the sub AND the amphetamines? Don't you need the amphetamine for ADHD?
Anyway, yes, you need to be followed by a doctor for your safety. I'm not sure how you'll feel because everyone's chemical makeup is so unique. But I wouldn't try to stop these meds at the same time; stop one and then the other and have a doctor help you with a taper plan for the amphetamines. That means you can't buy them off the street...
Have you considered some therapy for your addiction?